Hey, Carol, it’s Bill.
So, I somehow slipped outside of the realm of space and time, and I won’t be making it to dinner. Not because I’m outside of the realms of time and space, necessarily, but because I can see that my car’s tire is going to go flat on my way to your apartment. Or, it went flat. I’m not exactly sure when you’ll get this message in regards to time, as it’s kind of hard to even describe where I am in time, since I’m outside of it and all. Hell, you might even get it before you’ve even met me, in which case, hi, I’m Bill. I really like your hair.
Listen, I want to apologize for what I did. Or what I’m going to do. Again, I can’t really tell when it will, or has, happened. Just know that, after all is said and done, even when it seems like there’s no way you could possibly turn out okay, you will turn out okay, and you will love again. In fact, you’ll meet a great guy named Frank at a baseball game and you two will eventually get married. You’ll have two beautiful kids, a boy and a girl. You’ll be happy for a long time, even after a fight where it seems like you won’t, the one that brings back memories of us. But you will forgive him. Just wait to see what makes you forgive him. It’s really beautiful. Unless you already saw, then you know exactly what I mean.
I know now that I should have told you about the things that happened in my childhood. I guess I forgot about them, or blocked them out somehow. But I can see them now, and I should have been up front with you about them, because they really put a damper on parts of our relationship. Remember that fight we had about the movie Moulin Rogue? You can blame an episode with my aunt for that one. And if you don’t remember the fight, well, just know we’ll come out of it okay, too. At least for a little while.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been here or will be here, or if I could ever even know, really, but I want you to know that it feels like forever, because I’m not with you. I’ve seen my life from beginning to end in the blink of an eye, and I can say with assurance that you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. Hell, you’re probably the best thing to happen, ever. I’ve seen the creation and destruction of the universe, I’ve seen the rise and fall of humanity. I even saw an ape uprising at one point that was pretty rad.
But none of it compares to you. You were made perfect. It’s only a shame that I wasn’t able to realize that when I was with you, when I could actually spend time with you. If only everyone could slip outside the realms of time and space, then maybe we wouldn’t take things for granted so much. I guess I’m lucky in that regard. Then again, maybe I’m not that lucky. After all, I’ve seen the way I die; I’m still pretty sore about it. Still, I was lucky to meet you. Of course, after you’ve seen everything all at once, you realize luck doesn’t have much to do with it.
I hate to break it to you, but everything that has ever happened or will happen was predetermined to happen. By what or whom, I still don’t know; I can only see how everything aligns in the grand scheme of things. Remember when you wet your pants during your grade school play? Well, if that hadn’t happened, we would have never met. And, if that’s yet to happen, make sure you drink a whole lot of water on the night of your seventh birthday, okay? I’d still really like to meet you.
I guess, in that regard, we were never destined to be together forever. But we were destined to be together for that short amount of time. Really, in comparison to the almost infinite amount of time that time has existed, our time spent together was, well, miniscule. But it felt like a long time, in a good way. I’ll always cherish that time, and from what I’ve seen of your future, you will too, even if you aren’t as ready to admit it now, or even when Frank brings it up during that fight I mentioned. Seriously, though, he really makes up for that fight. Like, really. I won’t spoil it, but you know how your favorite animal is a giraffe? Well, yeah. Something like that.
I never told you this when we were together, because at the time I thought saying it out loud would make it permanent, but…I love you. What a crazy, selfish, foolish notion that was, now that I’ve experienced everything in and outside of time, to think that anything could ever be permanent. Even time ends, and when it does, wow, it’s a show. But being without time, without space, and without you, I know now that I loved you, and I love you, and I will love you, so long as time exists and we exist, and even after we don’t. So I guess, in a way, it was permanent, at least for me.
Again, sorry about that whole being-late-for-dinner thing. I’m not much on lamb, anyway. But you knew that. Or, you will know that.
Love from the infinite void,